NOSY PARKERS?

A multiculturalism overkill seeking a uniform secular pattern or insensitive corporate standards? The sacking of Heathrow Airport worker Amrit Lalji for wearing a nose stud seems to be more of the latter.

40-year-old Lalji, who worked for caterers Eurest, said she wore the tiny piercing as a mark of her Hindu faith. But Eurest says, "Jewellery can harbour bacteria, create a hazard when working with machinery and find its way into the food people eat."

Even if jewellery worn on the hands is banned, considering it's in close proximity to the food, clamping down on a nose ring up above is laying it a bit too thick. A wedding ring could have bacteria, and that's really close to the food. Bacteria could also float down from a long, flowing beard just like a nose ring.

It's small consolation, but it's not merely immigrants who are caught on the wrong foot by this vicious combination of secular fundamentalism and corporate standards. Last year, another Heathrow worker Nadia Eweida was suspended by British Airways for wearing a cross, only to be reinstated following condemnation by clerics and politicians.

How weird is "Merry Christmas" being replaced by "Happy Holidays" or "Season's Greetings? Exactly what's increasingly happening in the name of multiculturalism in countries like the US, Canada and the UK. Are other communities so hypersensitive a judge should order the removal of a Christmas tree from the lobby of a court?

And we haven't even come to banning Muslims from wearing headscarves or asking Sikhs to take off their turbans.

Shouldn't multiculturalism be about celebrating diversity and not being afraid of it? And corporate practices also about being sensitive to the local while being global.

RIGHT-WING LAMENT ON LEFT-HANDERS DAY

Today's World Left-Handers Day, an event to celebrate for the likes of Bill Clinton and Bill Gates, along with a galaxy of sportspersons - Sourav Ganguly, John McEnroe, Rafael Nadal, Jimmy Connors, Brian Lara. And last but not the least HR Venkatesh.

The word 'gauche' which means clumsy/awkward has its roots in the French word for left-handed. 'Sinister' happens to be the Latin word for left hand. And we have phrases like like left-handed compliment, which is indeed an insult masquerading as praise for left-handers. Not to forget the traditional Indian habit of using the left hand to clean your bowels.

Mihir Bose's History of Indian Cricket (published in 1990)advances the theory that a major reason India rarely produced great left-handed batsmen was because society considered it unclean, a hand to be used for cleaning bowels. Six years later, Sourav Ganguly put his best hand forward, challenging the theory. And later emerged Yuvraj Singh for good measure.

But will the unrelenting gaze of society allow somebody to put the left foot first at an auspicious occasion? Or eat with the left hand? Tough going in a society where the word 'right' is a synonym for being correct.

Though a right-hander, I too have closet left-wing sympathies. And sometimes it comes out of the closet, like bowling and throwing the ball with the left hand. Being the son of a left-handed father, I too inherited 'leftist' traits. But then my natural inclination to write with my left hand was not allowed to flourish, because of a belief that a left-hander would be slower in writing, among other things.

Mercifully, I moved from left to right without too much trouble. At least I got to throw with my left hand. A sea change from what I've heard an earlier generation of natural left-handers had to endure. As kids their left hand was physically punished, so that their left-wing sympathies were clipped forever.

At least one area where left-handers are not merely accepted but also feted is sports. Being a minority here does make you unpredictable. Facing a left-hander serve in a tennis court can be unnerving just because you are not used to his angles. In cricket, Indian batsmen have traditionally struggled against left-handed pacemen.

The Right is overwhelmingly mighty, and the Left may not be able to shake off all prejudices. But then might is not always right.

And is there space for a right-leaning centrist like me? If Sourav Ganguly can bat with the left hand and bowl with the right, there is hope for the ambidextrous, irrespective of which side of the right-left divide they are on.

MUCH ADO ABOUT SHAMBO

Finally, it's all over for Shambo. UK law has prevailed, with the `sacred' bull taken from the South Wales temple for slaughter. End of all the outrage and indignation which turned the whole affair into a bull run on the media.

Was it right to put Shambo to death? Bovine tuberculosis has been a raging problem for farmers in the UK and there is a clear policy that if a bull/cow tests positive it should be slaughtered to prevent spreading of the disease. Bringing religion and multiculturalism into the picture in trying to cling on to a diseased animal is ridiculous. The law of the land should apply to everyone.

Shambo's `protectors' were harping on the sanctity of all life. Does sanctity apply to only this one bull? Forget Spain and bullfighting. Check out Tamil Nadu and the rural sport of Jallikattu, part of Pongal celebrations. Here macho men are supposed to take the bull by its horns (literally). The bull is not killed here but the brutal sport can gore these men to death. It doesn't help that the bull here is given a generous dose of alcohol. But will Shambo-protectors question the `sanctity' of tradition?

There are better things one can do for the community, instead of wasting time and breath over a bull. Taking a life is hard, but it was a necessary step here.

No more Shambo headlines now. Shambo Mahadeva, as Mohanlal's punchline goes in the film Aaram Thampuran.